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Cultivating Coziness In Your Life

When you’re going through a difficult time, a separation or divorce, or if you’re healing from trauma and grief, it’s a natural time to close in, go to ground and find yourself sequestered in your personal space.  It’s a time to pull the drapes, block out the world and sink into a retreat that is all your own.

That personal space is one you get to create that suits your needs.  We may call it “cozy”, but the Danish call it “hygge”.  (HOO-guh)  And since the Scandinavian countries are ranked consistently at the top as the happiest people in the world, they’re likely doing something right.

Hygge isn’t just for healing, but it’s for anytime when you need to relax, to recharge your inner batteries, and to feel safe and secure.  It’s a room, a nook or a chair that you can find utter relaxation for yourself.

So how do you create this oasis?

There are 4 areas that can bring about this feeling of comfort for you.

1. Create Your Environment to Support Your Relaxation.

Your environment will help begin the process to help you find the peace you are searching for.  Pick the space that works for you.  Is it your bedroom or a sitting area where you read?  Is it the kitchen table where you surround yourself with food, family and comfort.

When you find the place, it’s then utilizing all 5 senses to make it the place you want to be.  Does it look welcoming and clutter-free? You can use soft light and warm colors to become more soothing.  Does it feel comfortable?  You can add soft blankets, fluffy pillows and comfortable seating.  Is the noise level appropriate for you?  Adding acoustic music or white noise machines can be helpful.  Does it smell inviting?  Placing candles or diffusers can help relax the body, mind and spirit.  And lastly, is there a taste that you associate with the space?  Bringing in tea or cocoa, or adding cookies or snacks can help bring a level of hominess to your environment.

This isn’t about creating an expensive space.  This is about surrounding yourself with things you love.  This might be antique or vintage.  A hand-me-down throw. A candle holder from a thrift store. Of pictures you love of family and friends.  It’s not about the things in general it’s about the feelings they invoke.

2. Good Mood

Cozy is about adding in things you like that lift your spirit.  Little indulgences you can add to your routine.  Maybe it’s painting or gardening, books or music.  A special tea cup that makes you smile.  Or a piece of dark chocolate that you savor.

Bringing in objects from nature has a grounding and soothing quality.  Shells from a vacation at the beach, a plant that thrives in your space, a water fountain that sounds like a stream.  All of these can enhance your mood.

3.  Friendships / Sharing

Life wasn’t meant to do alone, even when you’re feeling cozy.  Inviting a friend to play a card game, have a glass of wine or catch up on life, can bring enrichment to your day.  Isolation creates many issues, but sharing life with friends has a positive impact on your mental and physical health.  Conversations that allow you to unburden yourself to a friend can reduce your stress, lower your cortisol and be heart healthy.

4. Humility / Thankfulness

Sinking into the simplicity and familiarity of coziness, allows for self-reflection and leaves behind feelings of comparison.  It leads to greater opportunities to be present in the moment.  It leads to greater feelings of gratitude for what you have, and who you share life with.  And it leads to less overwhelm and more clarity when looking into your future.

Living in worry is living in our own head.  It’s living in the future and not in the present.  And the present time is the only thing over which we have any control.

We often only think about ways we can make our homes cozy, but why is it that we can’t take our hygge and all of it’s benefits into the outside world?

Why can’t we take cozy in the car, in the office, on our travels and to others?

As you decide how to implement this comfort into your homes and into your daily routine, begin to expand and think how you can add to other areas of your life.

In the car, with less clutter, an audiobook, and add a scent diffuser.

In the office, with family pictures, soothing music, and some indulgent snacks.

In your travels, with your favorite pillow, a book you’ve been wanting to read, and your favorite wine or tea.

This is all about making your space your own, making it comfortable and allowing you to relax, recharge, and feel safe and secure.  How you make that happen is yours to decide.  There are no rules, create this as simplistic as you’d like, as indulgent as you feel led, or as happy as you can make it.  Create this for yourself to savor those special moments.

Joy is a Divorce and Life Make-Over Coach for Midlife Women. Connect with Joy at

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