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Create Intentional Thoughts for Self-Confidence During Divorce

The year of my divorce was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I was up...I was down. I was having fun...I was depressed. I was content....I was angry. It was all overwhelming and completely unsustainable. It was unhealthy.

I finally realized that I had to get ahold of myself and take control. I had to prioritize myself, my thoughts and my emotions to make real change and find the stability that I craved.

The roller coaster that occurs after separation and through divorce is very real. But one way to build your self-confidence and take control back is to begin with your thoughts. With the thousands of thoughts we have each day, around 90% of those are repetitive. and almost as many are negative. We live life on unhappy repeat every day.

So how do you fix those negative thoughts? Glad you asked! Let's take a look at a few ways to create intentional thoughts that will help you through your divorce process and well after.

1) Become aware of negative thoughts

Taking some time to become aware of our thoughts can be eye-opening! Not just allowing them to slide through unnoticed and letting them creep by willy-nilly any longer will give you some insight as to where you need to do the most work. Just because that thought pops up, doesn't make it TRUE! You get to analyze that thought and determine if it's true or not.

2) Make small changes in those negative thoughts to create more intentional positive ones

Once you can name the negative thoughts, then you can begin to make changes to new thoughts that bring you new results. Let's say your ex managed the household income, and now that you have to make financial decisions you're not sure how to do it. Instead of "I can't manage money", you may want that new thought to become "I manage and invest money wisely".

Maybe you realize that the new thought doesn't have historical data backing it, but if you take ahold of that thought and begin to change it, up-level it, you can become a new version of yourself, breaking that old cycle, breaking that old habit, and really taking control of the thought to take new actions.

Those small changes in your thoughts may be like little stepping stones across the creek -- one stone at a thought at a time:

"I can't manage money"

"I'm learning to manage money"

"I'm managing my money better"

"I'm making smart decisions with my money"

"I'm learning to invest money for my future"

"I'm no longer in debt"

"I manage and invest my money wisely"

3) Build momentum in other areas:

Thoughts become feelings, and feelings become actions. Creating intentional thoughts will give you better results. With each new result or new habit formed you find new evidence for your new self. That will give you the confidence to become more bold and try even more changes in yourself and in different areas of you life.

Next you may want to tackle co-parenting conflicts or boundary setting with your ex. With the evidence and confidence from your first trip across the creek, you begin to place those stepping stones down and hop across them with even more ease and speed!

Build more and more. New territories and new triumphs.

4) Setbacks happen

With all of this new found confidence, don't let a little slip on a stone tear down all you have achieved. Yes, setbacks will happen. Knowing that up front allows you be prepared, navigate the issue and get back on your feet faster. It's all part of the journey.

When that slip-up occurs, you can just say "there it is, I knew you were coming" and keep moving forward. Not attaching any significance to that slip-up allows you to move past it, and move forward, much more quickly.

Build in support for when that slip-up happens -- like Alcoholics Anonymous, have a support system in place to mentor you and help you through. Let them be your accountability partner and cheerleader.

Look to your faith for help as well. 1 Chronicles 16:11 - "seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually." This is a place to feel safe and secure, a place to be seen and heard, a place for rest and refuge. Tap into that strength.

5) Celebrate your wins

No matter how small or seemingly insignificant the achievement, celebrate those wins. Acknowledge them and the effort you've put into making that happen. It takes a lot of hard work to make changes occur, so allow yourself that little happy dance whether you achieve that next step or the end goal. Then get ready to step up for the next challenge with all of that confidence behind you!

Don't let that stray and random thought rob you of what extraordinary life lies ahead of you. Seize that thought and change it up with something positive or empowering to step out into what's meant for you! You have what it takes; do the work and believe in your dream.

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