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5 Ways to Avoid Divorce Fatigue

If you are contemplating divorce or actively going through the process, it’s good to prepare for “divorce fatigue”.


Deciding to divorce has likely been an unhappy time and once the process begins, the stress and overwhelm can take hold.  It’s during this time that your reserves begin to wane, and you care less about the outcome and more about disconnecting from it all.


Most people go into divorce thinking that they can muscle through the process, and it won’t take a toll on them.  But divorce is a long and emotional period of time, and often you get worn down and want to give in or give up, just to make it go away.  This is how divorce fatigue works.


It affects you mentally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually.  It takes a toll on your mental clarity, increases your irritability, and changes your habits in how you interact socially.  During this time you find your immunity decreases and illnesses increase, along with inability to cope or find quality sleep.


If you give in to the fatigue, you will likely make poor decisions concerning yourself, your kids and your future.  You may allow attorneys and the courts to decide for you, you may leave money on the table that was rightfully yours, and you may sign custody papers and parenting plans that have an impact on your time with your kids.


It's imperative for you to stay healthy and have full clarity on what you want during your divorce so you can be your best advocate. To do that you need to manage your emotions and your energy.  And you need to determine how you best rest and recover.


So I’ve put together 5 ways for you to keep your energy high and emotions low to help you maintain your peak self during divorce:


1)    Ditch the Self-Judgement

This is the time to give yourself more grace and patience.  You are going to be more forgetful, emotional and just plain out-of-sorts.  Go with the flow.  This is part of the grief process and you need to be able to let little things go.


So if you didn’t do everything on your to-do list or you forgot to make homemade cookies for the class party, who cares!  Add the forgotten item to tomorrow’s list and run by the grocery for a box of store-bought snacks.   Don’t stress yourself out over all the small and insignificant mistakes.


2)    Learn to say “No”

Saying no will give you the greatest freedom and control over your life.  You can actually live by your set of rules and values, not by other people’s expectations.  Learn to say “no” when someone asks “why are you getting divorced?”  Learn to say “no” to new projects or commitments.  Learn to say no to whatever it is that doesn’t bring you more energy!


3)    Let Go of Other People’s Opinions

And there will be plenty of people with opinions about your divorce, your co-parenting and your life.  Some of them are well-meaning….others, not so much!  You need to remember this is YOUR life, YOUR way.  Yes, you can allow others into your inner circle, but these are people who lift you up and support you.  These are the people who quietly listen and let you cry.  These are the people who don’t judge you for your choices but are your cheerleaders, mentors and helpers along your journey.


4)    Establish Routines to Streamline Your Life

Stress, overwhelm and divorce fatigue will task your mental capacity.  It’s best to have routines and plan ahead as much as possible to allow you to limit any additional decision-making that is unnecessary.


Your morning routine gives you grounding and energy to see through the day.  This could start with gentle movement, meditation and water.


An evening routine gets the clutter out of your head and ready for bed.  Try laying out your clothes, making your to-do list and finding a gratitude journaling practice.


For your day-to-day activities think about simple meal planning, online grocery shopping, carpooling and help from the kids.


Notice what works for you and try several different options until you find ones that work for you.


5)    Maintain Your Health

This is so important to be able to work through the fatigue and keep from getting sick.  This is the time to drink more water and eat more protein.  Get more sleep and add more self-care into your day.


Self-care can be any number of things that restore your energy.  Think past the manis and pedis and find what works for your body, mind and spirit. Slow down during this time and handle life as it comes at you.  Spend less time worrying and more time living in the moment.


Remember, this is a time for health and self-care.  This isn’t a time to work on that “revenge diet” or train for a marathon. 


Divorce Fatigue is real and I’ve seen it wreak havoc in many divorces.  Don’t lose the marathon by running a sprint and leaving no energy to get over the finish line.  This is a time to focus on yourself and your kids.  It’s a time to rest and relax, so you can reduce stress and make the best possible decisions.


The Confident Faith shop on Etsy has journals and prompts to help you log activities and track habits to help you through divorce better.

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